Crif Dogs, or, If It’s Not Covered In Bacon, Why Eat It?
So, if you ever find yourself on St. Mark’s Place, and it also happens that you’re in the 1st St.-ish area, here’s something that should happen:
CRIF IT UP.
Crif Dogs may fool you, with its windows and door and flooring and cash register, into thinking it’s a just any other place where money is exchanged for foodstuffs. Actually, however, in reality, as it turns out, it’s an alternate plane of existence that resembles our normal, restaurant-wielding world in many ways, but boasts a handful of key improvements:
- What we call a “hot dog” is still long and cylindrical and made of meatparts, but here it is wrapped in bacon and deep fried.
- Bathroom doors are remote-controlled.
- Tater tots fight for, and win, the title of Hot Dog Accompanist.
- There are also fries, but they are exclusively in Waffle form. Get these with chili and cheese, okay?
- To get to what we refer to as a “bar,” you need to enter an indoor phone booth, call a number, and wait for them to tell you it’s OK to come and drink.
Otherwise, everything else is pretty similar to what you’re used to, so now you’re prepared! You’ll fit right in!
For further reading, take a gander at the CrifMenu. I have tried and can vouch for:
- Chihuahua (pictured): bacon-wrapped dog with avocado and sour cream. A sleeper hit.
- Tsunami: bacon-wrapped with pineapple, green onion and teriyaki. This is my favorite for when I don’t feel like experiencing what it must be like to overdose on heroin (awesome, and then you die from how awesome it is, I assume). When I want to feel this I go with the:
- Good Morning (pictured): I don’t know whether they copped this name from the Good Morning Burger, but I can tell you that it’s bacon-wrapped, topped with a fried egg and cheese, and may be the best thing to eat in the world.
- Spicy Redneck: bacon-wrapped with chili, jalapenos and coleslaw. Surprisingly underwhelming, but still good & all.